They say the first step is admitting you have a problem.
Well I think, I know I'm a shopaholic.
I buy things I don't even like or that look horrendous on myself, just because money is burning a hole in my pocket, and love is burning a hole in my heart. Yes that's right I think the reason why I love to shop so much is to make myself appealing to guys, but I overdo it when I buy items that make me looks fatter than a cat's butt. I hate being a shopaholic. The only time I have ever left a store because I didn't want to look anymore was last week, and that was because I realized over break I had gain a lot of weight. I'm hoping to work it off though..notice hoping as in it probably won't happen.
I will save more babbling for another day. As for right now, goodbye.

I know I haven't wrote in a while. I have been busy lately. Even to busy to work out. I should probably be doing homework and studying for a huge test tomorrow, but I don't feel like it. I love christmas, but I'm going away and I have never been away before. Ever. The guy I like. Well he sat next to me again today, but I can't have an intreats in him, he is was out of my league. Not that I have a league. Although if I was categorized then I would be at the bottom of the chain. Anyway I really want him, I guess my dreams will have to subside for now. On the other hand I completely embarrassed myself today when talking about the food sex in a pan. It was good, but then I talked to a friend about it and well it all went downhill from there. I'm not myself at school. I never have been, and I'm pretty sure no one ever wants to see the true me. Well my life is basically over, so now I shall just go to bed at 8:30 like a loser. Goodnight. I will never get him.

Yes, I realize I may not be good at anything. I realize some time, most times, life isn't fair. I just wanted something good to happen to me for once in my life. Something to come out of my hard work. Instead I got a flimsy piece of card stock with the wrong name on it. I want to die, in fact I probably will. I got a fortune last week. It said, "A great day lies ahead in the not too distant future." It is either wrong, or that great day is watching a body get buried. My body. It's been a long time since I have felt this pain. I really wish it would just disappear like it usually does, but it won't. If they had kind souls maybe, just maybe they would consider giving me an award. But I am not worthy of one, that's what they think. I have always know they hated me. Everyone does. It's hard not to, I guess. I just don't like this fact being rubbed in my face for the second year. I want to die. No. I'm going to die.