My mother called me a cow!!

So today my own mother called me a cow. What's worse is that she did it in front of my friends. That isn't even the horrible part. My friends laughed. What kind of people laugh when their friend is called a cow...by her own mother!? I got home and of corse was really pissed off that my mom would even think about calling me a cow. I shouldn't even call her mom she isn't good at it anyway. I made some dinner which was really actually excellent you know for cold mashed potatoes, mac & cheese, and whole wheat spaghetti. I haven't really had a good meal like that since I decided to be a vegetarian, and that was almost three months ago.
What really is horrible is that school starts in less than a month, and I am not at the size 4 I wanted to be at. Although throughout this summer I have lost 12 pounds, but keep in mind I wanted to lose 20. I still want to lose 20 now that I know 10 lbs doesn't really take that much weight off, but at least I am at the weight that I was when I ended soccer last October.
Still when the crazy lady that lives in my house called me a cow all I could think of was how I am not good enough. How I am to fat to live. I have worked throughout this summer to get into the mindset that I was fit enough, but now that she has called me a cow. All my hard work has gone down the dusty drain that has been used to many times before.

Mysterious boy

When I went camping one day I dressed up. I had noticed the night before that the guy next door had glanced over at me a few times. He was tall and blonde. He had a toned body, and a little brown mole by his lips. On the second day I was camping I was eating lunch with my family. That's when it happened. My one and probably only movie moment I will ever have. I looked up, and he was staring at me. We actually made eye contact. For the first time in my life the guy way looking at me, and I caught him! I literally caught they guy next door staring at me. My brother and I later went down to the river. He came down about half an hour later with him brothers and who I assume was his dad. I just sat on a rock my a small river pool and bathed in the sunlight, and at first I didn't even realize, but he was slowly moving my way. I kept on giving him "the look," unfortunately he didn't notice, but his  dad did. After that I felt really awkward, and I never even talked to the one guy that has ever laid his eyes on me. I keep on regretting the fact that I should have gotten his number, or talked to him, or something other than be the quite girl in the corner. I really wish I had talked to him. So if you ever are reading this blog. Mysterious boy that I saw at a KOA in Leavenworth, please message me.

Old diary entries...

This passage is old. Over a year old, and it is about the same guy that my last post was about.
No one knows how bad I try to be good enough. I do one stupid thing and I realize how much people hate me. The faces, laughing, talking. I want it to stop. I want people to like me for who I am. He will never be mine and that is my fault. I will never talk to him and he will never look my way. Why do I like him? Why does it have to be him?

Here is another passage for a week later:
Guess what!! He is single again. Apparently she broke up with him, which is crazy because they were a perfect couple! I mean seriously! She let that hunk on the market! I'm remembering 7th grade at my party when I was crying. Lacey came out and said he would dance with me, and I said no. I should have said yes! That was the only chance I would have ever had to dance with him anyway. I find more and more I am thinking of him. I should really stop thinking about him. He will never be mine. I barely talk to the boy. Anyway Haley will get him soon enough. I miss him.

A passage from my camping experience...

I'm on a camping trip. Right now we are passing white water rapids. They are beautiful, yet I can only think of him. He is beautiful too. His curly hair and brown eyes give him something that is different than most guy. What is funny is that I really did think I was over him, yet when I saw him today all I could do was smile, and yell at my dad to drive faster and catch up with them. Back to the rapids. I can see us sitting on a huge rock far in the woods where we could still see the river. A picnic of some-sorts. But after I think of this all I can think of is how it will never work out. Well thats how everything else happens in my life... They don't.