I used to be really close with my family. These days it doesn't seem to much like that.
It's not like I drifted away, they could still talk to me and ask me how my day was. They just don't. I wish they would just talk to me like the old days instead of telling me I am cold hearted and not worth their time. If only they could see that I'm depressed. It would make my life so much easier. Then they might understand why I am incapable of interesting social reaction. I mean I have my few close friends but even they are to confused by me to stick around. They are slowly drifting apart to. Anyway back to my parents. Whenever I am around them I can't speak adequately or I am completely quite. Another thing I have to deal with is that they want me to get good grades, but they still want me to be with them 24/7. I can't do that. Not anymore. I am to old to throw away my 3.8 something GPA to spend time with my family.
Is this really my life? I have to fight my family to get a good grade? Grades aside, when it comes to my friendships my dad gets on my back about having friends over all the time. I honestly do not have friends....over all the time. No. I honestly do not have friends. I feel like I'm alone. Even when I hang out with my friends I feel like they don't want to get to know me for who I really am. Do they all think I'm some stupid stuck up prick that ignores everyone because I want to. I am not that person. I just can't live my life the way I picture it in my head, and I don't ignore everyone because I want to. It's because I hate myself so much the thought of making other people as miserable as I feel terrifies me. That's right I said it....or typed it.
I ignore everything because I don't want people to see the horrible person I am. That is probably why ghosts haunt me and well I'm basically crazy. I just don't get it! The rest of my family is perfectly fine, but me I sit in my room just starring off in space for hours, just sitting doing nothing. I don't even know what I think about. Maybe I think of what I want my life to be. Who knows? Right? If only someone did know what was wrong with me. My life would be so much less complicated if someone knew the exact dreadful pain I go through to live my life the "normal" way.