Wednesday, February 5, 2014

Him

I have a new job, well not quite new. I've been their since the end of November. I can't believe it has been so long, almost three months. I met him on the second day of work, he was my trainer for the night. We had this instant connection, literally from the moment we started talking I thought, " Is this really happening, I have never felt this way before." We hit it off to say the least. He asked me about where I wanted to go to college and then talked about his plans. I'm not going to lie, it was perfect. He honestly could have been the one. A couple weeks later we went to a bowling work party. That day I went through my entire closet, no shirt was left untouched. It started at seven, but he worked that night and arrived half an hour later. He walked in looking handsome in blue striped sweater. My heart had melted and my soul scorched of a longing for him. That night I also befriended another coworker, I gushed to her everything. That was the first time I had told anyone of my feelings for him. It felt good, just letting everything go, I finally told someone. She of course pressed me to talk to him, so our secluded group of two joined the others. I didn't speak to him much, but he lingered around and I could smell the now familiar scent of him. I thought we were going to iHop after bowling, but to my surprise we ended up at his house. I sat awkwardly on the couch as my coworkers had a full on Nerf war. Then he told me to join him in a game of Foosball, which at first I was terrible at but by the end I caught up with him. It was fun, just being there with him. I felt safe. Everyone ended leaving around eleven and I offered to help clean up, which led me to stay until one a.m. He hugged me goodbye and once again I was comforted by his scent. I texted him the next day, hoping he didn't realize that I never got his number, well at least not from him. We talked for a while, and were friendly at work. I being a big fan of not displaying public affection continuously embarrassed myself with attempts to control my desires. The day after Christmas may have been the most miraculous present I have ever received. We went to the movies to see the new Hobbit movie. With my luck, it sold out, the ticket before I arrived at the booth. When he got there I told him it was canceled, so we ended up seeing the Anchorman 2, which we had to wait forty minutes for. During our wait we got coffee and talked, we arrived at the movie about two minutes before it started. I laughed so much he actually asked if I was okay, I was embarrassed. Then he asked if I would like to hang out at his house, I said yes. I arrived at his house and didn't know where to park so I just drove around his street, again. Embarrassed. His friend was over at his house unannounced and we all watched a James Bond movie. Halfway through the movie his friend had to leave and I ended up moving and sitting by him. For some reason I was freezing cold, and he drew me in. As we snuggled I was so comfortable with him, just not with myself. I went to the bathroom and came back even more cold than before. Once again he drew me into a snuggle, and I knew it would happen. I had been dreaming about this moment from the day I met him. I looked up and we kissed. The most passionate, delicate kiss. I thought it was a dream. I went home again at one a.m. and was grounded for three months, but I didn't care. I had him and it was worth every day of solitude. Unfortunately that was not the case, I didn't have him and on New Years Day I would find out what really went through that mind of his. He told me he could not date anyone at the moment due to school. I understood, but I wanted it to be different. I called my best friend crying, I've never cried in front of anyone before. I came home crying, and the next three days stayed in my bed crying. I wasn't ready to see him, but work prevented that. For the next two weeks I was a symbol of depression. I didn't want to do anything, or see anyone. In public I had to try and keep myself composed. He slowly stopped liking my Instagram photos, and that's when I knew it was all over. I wished I could flash back to the day I met him, or done something differently. I worked with him about a month after the incident, I was now a changed person. I had been trying to move on for weeks and thought I had been successful, but of course I was wrong. As I stacked dishes that familiar smell that makes me melt approached me, touched my lower back, and moved by. Then he once again liked my Instagram pictures. What did that even mean? Is there still a chance?